Nearly to Newlywed: Surviving the Hard Times

Let me start by apologizing for the blog silence the past few weeks.  I promise you I had a blog schedule full of fabulous posts and I was ready for my weekly coffee shop trip to crank out most of them at the beginning of the week.  I did so great the last week of October, getting a lot of content up and then on the 30th we got news that my grandpa unexpectedly passed away and all blogging motivation was lost.  For the past three weeks I’ve spent a lot of time with family, a lot of time just moping around, and then a lot of time at work to keep myself busy  So the second thing I’m going to apologize for, or caution, is this post isn’t like any other I’ve written to date.  But I promise something more upbeat is coming in the next few weeks.

This is the first grandparent I’ve lost.  I’ve been extremely fortunate growing up because I’ve known all of my grandparents and event a few of my great-grandparents.  I realize a lot of people can’t say that.  My grandfather was an awesome guy and I have many fond memories with him.  He was a total jokester to the point where a lot of people might say he was just like the kids – only mature enough to realize his responsibilities.  He was always cracking jokes or teasing us grandkids.  He loved to spend time with the five of us (myself, my two siblings and my two cousin).  Growing up, he took my brother, Dustin, and cousin Jeff to Canada many summers.  One summer he reluctantly let myself and my cousin Chelsie go with [my sister is 4-5 years old than us so I think she wasn’t interested in hanging with a “bunch of kids”].  I have so many memories from that trip and looking back now, I can’t believe he was so crazy… and so patient!

As you’ve probably guessed, this news has hit me [and my family] pretty hard.  As I mentioned above, I’ve done a lot to keep my mind occupied or just a lot of sulking.  I don’t know how to feel.  And I don’t think I’ve fully accepted it.  Which is part of today’s post; coping with the death of a loved one as a newlywed.  The hubs has been amazing though this all. Between the wake, funeral and burial, he spent 3 days consoling myself and my family.  But beyond that, he’s been super understanding and attentive when I’ve needed him to be and great about backing off when I just need some space to mourn [I’m not good about sharing my feelings].

So after a few weeks of the news finally settling [but maybe not fully hitting me yet], I started thinking about how newlyweds handle the tough times – because we all know that adjusting to married life can be challenging, but throwing other curveballs can make it that much harder.  I personally think that events like the death of a loved one, while difficult, actually end up making a couples relationship stronger.  It gives each of you a perspective on how the other handles difficult situations; you learn from it because likely situations like this will arise in the future.  It also shows the enduring love you share; after all, it’s hard to see your significant other going through so much pain.

So here are a few things that I’ve learned from this difficult time:

– You are lifetime partners now, it’s OK for emotion to show
– Everyone grieves differently, and that’s OK.
– Remember that your life must still go on as normal, as hard as it is.
– But remember that it’s still OK to mourn.
– Your significant other can’t read minds.  If you need something, tell them.

Here’s a few things I’ve learned about the hubs from this whole situation:

– He’s much more patient than I’ve given him credit for.
– He knows me better than I thought [meaning, he knew when I needed consoling and when to back off and let me be]
– He worries.

So, while I’m still sad, and haven’t fully accepted things, I’m getting better.  Or I’m trying to.  And I have the support of my husband and my family to thank for that. And I want to reiterate, this little blog will get some more attention coming up.  Expect lots of holiday posts because I’m getting excited for the season!

How have you dealt with the death of a loved one?  Did you find it strengthened your relationship?  Did you discover stuff about your relationship or yourself during this time?



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